Showing up at the door with flowers. Pulling out a chair for your date. Never coming up for a “nightcap” after the first date. What has been seen as expected and necessary when it comes to dating etiquette has evolved.

With the help of social media, people have been sharing dating stories and getting opinions from others around the world on what’s acceptable today while also getting much needed advice if finding someone new is getting too overwhelming.

This year, numerous dating issues and failures went viral on Tiktok and beyond, from what to order on a date to how to take a break when online dating is taking over your life. People have a lot to say about dating detoxes, swiping burnout and how to act on the first date.

Through the exchange of dating horror stories and woes, people regardless of age, gender or sexuality are bonding online over just how complex modern dating can get, according to author Lisa Portolan in her 2023 article for The Conversation.

Oyster Girl’s POV on Dating

Tiktok user EquanaB, also known as #OysterGirl, went viral last week after posting a video about her date night gone wrong. Her slurping through the date caused social media users to discuss what going on a date really is like today. And also why dating can be tiring while having to deal with chaotic dates like this.

Taking place at Fontaine’s in Atlanta, GA, EquanaB slurped down 48 oysters, leaving her date in shock. “When the fourth plate came out he was looking at me crazy. I didn’t give a f***. Baby, you invited me out. I’m going to eat,” she said in her video. She then proceeded to order a plate of potatoes and crab cakes as her entree.

Following the order, EquanaB’s date went to the restroom and never returned. After grabbing the tab herself, her date texted later that he “offered to take you out for drinks and you ordered all that food.” He offered to Cash App the total for the drinks, but EquanaB declined.

Lucky for both of them, there are plenty of other fishes in the sea. The U.S. Census Bureau reported this year that “nearly 47% of the U.S. population (over 117 million people) are currently single.”

But that doesn’t make it easier to find the perfect person for you, according to 2020 findings from the Pew Research Center. There’s an expectation from society to be in a relationship, with the above findings also reporting that 53% of 18-29 year olds surveyed feel it constantly around them.

However, social media can make it feel like finally finding the one is impossible, according to relationship experts. Especially when social media keeps showing all of the dates gone wrong like #OysterGirl.

The video has had over 375,000 likes and counting. People were both equally entertained and divided about how they would have handled the situation. Some users sided with the man leaving the woman behind. “He didn’t even finish his drink and you had 48 oysters, potatoes AND crab cakes,” said Tiktok user Pooh.

While others argued that he should have been more respectful and paid for his date. Twitter user Cloud Parker said that “y’all doing too much on #OysterGirl. If he was in her DM’s he knew what it was! And if he googled the restaurant he could have gaged the prices. No one is drinking w/o something to nibble.”

Regardless of the side they stood on, #OysterGirl opened the door for a wider conversation on what dating etiquette is in today’s social media age. Long gone are the days of “Bridgerton” where dates must have a chaperone and too many dances could give the wrong moral impression. People can find love with just a swipe on a dating app from bed. The rules have changed and so has what is seen as polite.

Being on time, driving their own car, going to interactive places and matching effort are proper rules of thumb according to Tiktok user Nicole. This go-to list also includes being gracious to the person who pays for the date while also not being extravagant because you aren’t paying. While tips and tricks may be different depending on the person, the one consistent rule is to show who you truly are.

“Go by the vibes. Don’t force anything…And be yourself. But also don’t be slurping,’ Nicole said.

In this social media age, it can be hard to want to put your real self out there, according to self-image coach and personal consultant Sandy Grigsby. Nevertheless, it can be beneficial to be authentic online.

A 2020 study found that the Facebook users surveyed “who are more authentic in their self-expression also report greater Life Satisfaction.” For better or worse, #OysterGirl showed her true self.

Feeling burnt out from dating?

All of the swiping can still lead to loneliness, according to research findings from dating app Hinge. Which is leading to numerous social media users to show themselves taking a stand. Celebrity matchmaker and online dating expert Carmelia Ray told USA Today that dating burnout is “like a work burnout, you feel like you’ve exhausted all your options…It just seems like everything you’re doing isn’t working…”

Having to put up with the gaslighting to the ghosting, dating can go from feeling fun to feeling like a chore, Shreemi Verma reported for Vogue India. A 2022 study from Singles Report found that 4 out of 5 adults have dealt with “emotional fatigue or burnout” from dating online. While a study by dating app Hinge found that 61% of their UK users felt overwhelmed by modern dating.

“The amount of immediate gratification and choice that’s available to people, alongside the distance that being behind an app gives us, makes the dating world much easier to hide in without investing too deeply…We become more hidden and disconnected, and perhaps lonelier for it,” therapist and Self Space co-founder Jodie Cariss shared with VICE.

When someone is unable to find that perfect partner, it can be hard to cope and make negative feelings stronger, according to relationship experts.

“I have a date and I just don’t want to go. Have y’all ever been in the mood to just not get to know somebody? I don’t feel like answering questions…or asking questions. I just want to eat my food in complete silence,” Tiktok user Imani Bailiee said.

Time for a dating detox

Dating burnout is completely normal, according to relationship expert Kimberly Moffit to USA Today. There is also a solution – doing a dating detox. Just like some people cut out sweets or coffee for a period of time, dating can be cut out of the daily routine too.

Whether taking a short break for six months like TikTok user Your Girl Karly or a longer period of two years like TikTok user Maddie Cleary, people who have done dating detoxes have said it was just what they needed.

If someone is unsure if a step back from dating is best for them, there are signs to look out for. Tik Tok user Bryn Daylor in her video shared that her signs included attracting the same type of negative person and feeling resentful about dating. A person overall can no longer be excited about meeting someone new, and dating is supposed to be fun.

When ready to step back outside after a break, focus on the quality of the dates and know the purpose behind dating for you. It can make it a much easier and exciting process, according to Ray and Moffit.

How to survive this dating world

Clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D. shared some simple rules to follow with “Psychology Today:”

• Make sure that you stay present throughout the experience. Knowing what makes you comfortable and having a set ritual before, during, and after your date can help you feel more focused on the other person.
• Keep intentions clear. It’s important to keep in mind what you are looking for when dating, whether it’s a FWB or a forever love. As well as what you expect your potential partner to do in order for the relationship to last. Say what you need and want clearly to the person you’re seeing to ensure you are both in alignment.
• Meet in person ASAP. Social media is a great way to connect with people all around the world. Nevertheless, meeting and talking with someone in person can help you get to know who they really are, according to online dating coach Andi Forness.

Take these lessons and venture into romance, keeping social media as a potential tool.